| So today I cleaned out my closet and desk. Mike stopped by to pick up a few things. And i didn't know it when it was happening, but it was the last time I am going to see him at least until november. I saw emily yesterday and that was the last time i'll see her. It really is sad that these people are no longer going to be regulars of my life. I'll see larry around. Allison will be around from time to time, and i'll see nick at school. It is not only my hope, but my mission to see mabel as frequent as possible. I love her to death and literally cannot begin to think about life without her. I thought I was depressed when cynthia dumped me...ha! If I lose mabel because of college, I'll crawl in a hole for several years until i stop crying. That concept though is soo abstract (losing her) that I really cannot imagine it. it is finally sinking in that people are leaving, and it sucks. I really am sad. Oh the people I will miss, the faces i might never see again, it really is a drastic change in my life from only a few months ago. It was only april that everyone was just finding out where everyone was accepted to. It took another month for most of my friends to settle on a school, and some longer. Mike last month and mabel possibly next year. All the faceless high school kids will be dearly missed. It was a stage. Central was a hell of a stage. Truly 4 of the best years of my life. And now, so suddenly I switch gears and accelerate into this new stage. This new to-be best four years of my life. Some of my old life will no doubtedly be carried over. Most prominent of that stage is mabel. Hopefully, our relationship will prove to be more than simply just a single stage one by not only surviving, but thriving in this new territory of both our lives. I am very narrow in scope at this tender age, but from the best that my limited sightings can offer, I would love to take mabel through all the stages of my life will go through. And what if it doesn't work out that way. What if in four years I talk of penn as I do central and talk of so-and-so as i do mabel. Of course this is unfathomable now, and I don't see myself doing that, but that's life; unfathomable. I will never not love mabel. I will always love her. No matter what kind of horrible things she could in the future, I would still love her for what she has been to me. And if the more likely road is taken, she and I will be writing silly love notes to eachother (more like only me to her =P) in four years and beyond. But that will be left for time to play out. Time is not so easy on my family. My mom is having the hardest time letting go and understandable so. She has never left her parents too far behind. I might be going farther away from my parents than my mom ever had from her's. Like my friends, it really is sad, but I have to let go as does she. I am ready, however; she is not. It is like a phase of my life that I outgrew. its almost like the NBA. In one era, the Bulls were unbeatable, 72-10. Two 3-peats. And like that they are now the laughing stock of the leauge. Such a constant thing changed. One thing that was once acepted, changed and is no longer accepted. The new thing is here to stay; that is until the new new thing comes. That is like my life. Living at the other end of the hallway from my mom was where I lived for 18 years. Now, things are changing, and the norm isn't the norm anymore. She will adjust, just as I will. She might take longer, but she'll get there. Its hard to beleive now, but soon, me not living at home will be the norm. But as I say goodbye to the house, I can honestly say that I am thankful for everything that occured. EVERYTHING! The yelling grounding, screaming, injustice, hypocriscy, stubborness, unfairness, etc etc. All that, is truly appreciated. This house, this home, served as my environment where I developed and grew and matured (somewhat). i regret nothing. So as my time slowly slips away, all i can think of is the wonder of transitions. That is exactly where i am at right now. I am transistioning, from central to penn, from audubon to walnut, from mabel book 140, to mabel music major, from running with mike to IMing with mike. Its hard to look forward to the new when I absolutely loved the old. But it is old and it's time has passed. It is time for a new thing to be created and fill my life so in the next transition that old will be loved as well. I will miss it, but it is time to look ahead. |
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